Are You Hearing or Listening?

Listening to my favorite Sunday morning show, CBS Sunday Morning, I heard an analysis by author Dan Lyons on the need for more listening. He suggested that we need to stop speaking so much and start listening. He spoke of the fact that some people feel the need to keep speaking, which has to do with how their brains are wired. I enjoyed his analysis on the importance of listening and actually hearing what others are saying. In other words, we must avoid formulating a response while the other is still making his or her point. This got me thinking…

Many years ago I used to teach communication skills to managers and their employees. I’d noticed people in managerial positions would often share their ideas while setting the context for a meeting with their staff. They’d then ask those present what they were thinking about the subject. Only a very courageous individual or one who had a trusted relationship with the manager would dare to speak up. Perhaps some shared their true thoughts privately with their manager after the meeting. 

A new insight has emerged as to why people are compelled to share. Apparently new findings say their brains are wired this way. A challenge then comes to mind: how to embrace not speaking. What is it that makes people uncomfortable about silence? Time? 

I’ve been working with a physical therapist recently. One activity he has me doing is climbing steps. If made to climb steps for a full 60 seconds, you’d be surprised how long a minute is. In our face-paced culture, a minute or even thirty seconds seems unbearable. 

A brief moment of silence used to be referred to as the “pregnant pause”. So how do we shift our feelings and behaviors about silence and really start listening? 

First of all, become aware. Awareness is the necessary first step to changing beliefs and behavior. 

Secondly, notice whether or not you are formulating a response in your head while another is speaking. You can take a deep breath and stop this. You can even ask the speaker to restate what they just said, by saying “I think I missed something you said.” 

Many of today's work systems suffer from disengagement. This is a problem for the company as well as for the society as a whole. Work systems must be grounded in trust in order to stay competitive and innovative. Having two-way dialogue amongst managers and their subordinates or even amongst colleagues builds a trust inducing environment.  

Managers, employees: are you listening? And what will you hear if you do?